Can You Fake It Until You Make it?
Most men are trying to ‘make it’ in today's hustle-driven world, and I have to admit, I have had to ‘fake it’ in one way or another. We have all done this to get a step up at some point, and if you haven't, you will or will need to. Or, you are already perfect, so you can stop reading and go and write a self-help book and add me to the waiting list.
For the rest of us, have you embellished your resume ever so slightly? Tell of an experience that sounds more glorious than it was in conversation. Have you oversold on a promise?
The concept of ‘Fake It Till You Make’ is rooted in confidence and how we show up, which is directly related to our self-perception or self-image and the external perception of others. If we act as if we possess a certain quality that gives us an edge or advantage, we will eventually believe it and turn it into reality. In some ways, the latter is true. In Dale Carnegie's classic 1936 book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," he suggests the same. So, this concept has been around for a while—a placebo for self-doubt I call it.
The best way I can relate to this is by looking at my own experiences, where they have served me well and where they haven’t, and where I may have danced on the line of authenticity and deception. At least I am admitting it.
“a placebo for self-doubt I call it”
Details That Matter
Putting On An Act
When I was a teenager (around fifteen), I moved from the UK to the Philippines and became famous—yes, celebrity-type fame for a very, very short time. I was a lousy actor on screen (a leading man in a sitcom), and I knew this mainly because I hadn’t acted or had any interest in it, ever. But my friends and family did not think so. I was, in their eyes, the next big thing. I decided to play along, and the fact that the industry kept me in for as long as they did convinced me too, so I played my part as the famous, talented young actor until they axed me and my character from the show, stating that ‘I couldn’t act.’
After leaving the sitcom, and despite the network blatantly telling me I was a shit actor (which I was), I carried on playing the talented celebrity, believing I was not a shit actor at all; I had been faking it for so long that I became somewhat delusional, but my confidence was untouchable, and it took me to places and put me in front of people I could never have imagined.
“I had been faking it for so long that I became somewhat delusional, but my confidence was untouchable”
Unfortunately, I relied on an unrealistic view of myself that lost momentum and could not sustain through seizing these opportunities. This view of myself only got me so far, and I should have backed it up by improving my acting skills when I had the chance. The time came to prove myself, and I did not prepare for it.
Career Advancement
Fast-forward a few years, and I am a man trying to make a name for himself in London's corporate world: shiny offices, pristine suits, and interviews in glass meeting rooms. And by the way, working in a multi storey office was unheard of for me, as I was working in the building loading bay a year earlier. I did well getting promoted to a junior security manager from a security guard; yes, there are corporate-type jobs within security, but it was not without a sprinkle of luck and a touch of overselling myself.
I would rewrite my resume to highlight my experience so that it was as if my duties as a security guard and junior manager were why mega companies stayed in business, and I practically saved the world in the face of security threats. I studied that resume, so it became me, and that identity came with me to interviews.
My embellished resume became a beacon, a blueprint of goals to become the person I was pretending to be. I didn't stop at the 'faking it 'stage; I used it as a starting point for my growth. I researched, spoke to my managers, and asked what qualifications and experience one should have, and added them to the resume. I went after these qualifications one by one before each milestone of my career. I rose the ranks, earned more and more money, and sat with the big boys and girls, handling issues like a true subject matter expert. This journey wasn't about 'faking it' anymore; it was about becoming the person I aspired to be.
“My embellished resume became a beacon, a blueprint of goals to become the person I was pretending to be”
Making Connections With ‘Perceived’ Wealth
During my ‘illustrious’ corporate security career, I worked for some very powerful and wealthy people. I was a bodyguard and was exposed to a lifestyle of the mega-rich—not millionaire-rich; we are talking billionaire-rich. I flew in private planes (which were owned), sat in the most exclusive restaurants, and stayed in some of the most luxurious hotels in the world as my client conducted their business. At this point, I was very much a security professional who took his job seriously, and I respected my clients beyond words, so there was no faking here.
“I flew in private planes (which were owned), sat in the most exclusive restaurants, and stayed in some of the most luxurious hotels in the world.”
However, I saw the influence these clients had through the mere display of wealth and the types of people they met at these places, and that had a massive impact on my view of wealth and how others perceive it. I was in awe at the attention it commanded. And let me be clear; my client was not immediately recognisable to the general public and did not necessarily hold a celebrity status, so it was not that; it was something as simple as having a personal driver drop you at the front of a venue, and you can tell it was not an Uber. Or the fact that they were even at a place where only the most powerful people go. People make assumptions, or at least I do, and one of them is that ‘if you have a driver and are here, then you must be somebody worth knowing.’
After I left the body-guarding world and folded back into the corporate nine-to-five lifestyle, with some side hustles, too, I had changed and started being very picky about where I spent my time. A level of exclusivity had to be the deal, and let me be honest, experiencing this level of luxury is drastically different in terms of service and quality - I do not care what anyone says.
So, no more four stars for me; it had to be five. No economy; it had to be business or first. And restaurants, well, had to be the best for my family and me and have Michelin stars. I showed up to these places, and it was not often, but when I did, I pretended to be somebody; I pretended that this exclusivity and luxury were normal to me. I paid for chauffeurs, hotels, and plane tickets to feel like I was an example of wealth. I dressed like it too, subtly, perhaps throwing on a luxury watch I had financed that was worth thousands. The watches alone sparked conversations with some very influential men who are friends to this day.
Reality check. It eventually crippled me financially. But it did two things for me; one, it made me realise that experiencing that level of luxury is accessible for anyone if you do so sparingly and responsibly, and two, living like this helped me rub shoulders and converse with some of the most successful men in the world, who have inspired me to pursue the best the world has to offer in terms of luxuries yes, but most importantly opportunities—so not all material.
“living like this helped me rub shoulders and converse with some of the most successful men in the world”
Being around these individuals was entirely outside of my circle of lowlifes, where I had come from, and I had been blind and narrow-minded for so long. Being exposed to this lifestyle opened my mind, and I learned valuable lessons about money and wealth. I will say it, it will not make you happy, but damn, the opportunities and resources it can bring are endless.
The material character I played allowed the door to open, but it was the real me who walked into those rooms. They asked what I did for a living, and I told them about my regular job and side hustles. After their initial surprise, they engaged like I was just like them, and I absorbed some incredible wisdom and gained lifelong connections. One day, this will pay its dividends when, of course, the opportunity arises.
“The material character I played allowed the door to open, but it was the real me who walked into those rooms.”
Conclusion
"Fake it until you make it" is a unique approach to achieving success. When applied responsibly, it can empower men to step out of their comfort zones and embrace growth opportunities.
However, maintaining some integrity and prioritising genuine self-improvement is essential to avoid the pitfalls associated with this philosophy. Ultimately, the most sustainable success is built not on a facade but on the authentic integration of confidence and competence, so use it wisely gents.
